Musings: On Ms. Perfect & Mr. Fixers

I swear this is one of those occasional musings. Here am I early Monday morning (quite unusual for 4 am), blogging. But the inspiration for this posting came from a conversation I had with a friend last week. The Opeke was wondering why she still dey missing, when in her own words: "less adequate ladies", were finding hearthrobs and getting married. Leaving aside my own bemusement with why people (or let me say women of my age group) just seem obsessed with getting married, I have decided to explore the topic. If they are not watching that yeye show called Bridezilla, it is useless bridal magazine filling the shelf space. Shio!

I do not subscribe to the notion that marriage is all any woman or man is made for, and that unmarried person is any less fulfilled than a married one. The gross cultural obsession, which is tippping to the point of madness, with getting married is just a point of amusement for me. Older adults fall over each other as they admonish the younger ones to hurry up and get married. Which problem in the life of a man does marriage solve? I never get answer to that question yet: either this people know something I don't or a cultural oath of secrecy is preventing those enjoying marital bliss from sharing. LOL. Okay, Okay...I get it. I still be naija too..but people make una slow down. It is not that bad- enjoy life & things will fall into place. Desperate men or women don't come off nicely you know. No one wants to be pressured.

Hence this Chikito diatribe on "inadequate women" should not go unanswered. Her own definition of adequate was of course the certficates (whatever happened to just knowing?), career thingy (whatever happened to owning?), a job (just over broke?), and of course financial independence (you be Bill Gates?). Curiously though, she attributes all the faults to men and their lack of self confidence: that wisecrack perennial culprit: men being intimidated! Gimme a break. I think that excuse is well overused and worn out. Perhaps, these professional women seeking husbands should stop using it. Okay some men can be intimidated- but it is not that many of them than you are made to believe. In the 21st century, men like women do appreciate what you can bring to the table- but it is hardly the sole driver of why and whom they choose to copulate with.

Me thinks there is more to this pattern than intimidation. I think it has a lot to do with the fundamental nature of men. Men by nature are fixers. We are programmed to fix things- put out the fire and make better. From our primitive genes are remnants of filling gaps and refining nature. Fixing brings out the men in us. Women are better at perfection, but men are better at plain old fixing. If you meet a man and you are all so perfect, nothing to fix, tell me why he will tarry longer. Ms. adequate is in fact inadequate for Mr. Fixer! I did dated this extremely perfect human being briefly in the past: if you think there is any other name for boring, then ask me. Perfect, flawless people are boring. They come across also as preppy, "pepperless" and unusual. Show your flaws- it makes you human. There is nothing wrong with being inadequate afterall...it is the height of the humanity we wall share. Only people who share commonalities can connect- especially for the long run.

Garium & My HD Vision

How do you perceive problem? Especially the ones you perceive as unnecessary. The point should always be made though, that you can hardly answer this question if you are not undergoing a difficulty or obstacle at the moment. Once upon a time, I used to feel invulnerable. Things just seem to take care of itself. But that was a while ago. It looks like my insensitivity vaccine is fast declining in potency. Words, actions and attitude I must admit are more laden with meanings. Whether this is good or bad- only time will tell. Regardless though, I am just learning to react properly to these situations. Obstacles created on your path by your fellow man- for good reason. It is frustrating, but I have of late taken a different view on them: after much aching of course.

Smart engineers would rather build roads across a mountain , winding up and down its side to the peak and taking the traveler to the other side- rather than break it apart. In the process, learning new lessons, strengthening their inners eyes of perception and just becoming better at wgat they do. This is how I think our Creator wishes us to see problems. Mountains of problems will not be broken apart, blown up to pieces or be moved: for the most part, a path of victory laid on the trails of the glorious obstacles- revealing your weaknesses and mine too; opening your inner eyes and teaching us unforgettable lessons. Open the inner eyes of my mind O Lord...that song goes. Only through obstacles!

Talking of eyes, I am now officially an ojugo. Following months of struggling, I finally went to the optician to procure my medicated glasses. I know say na my unfailing love for Garri (aka: Garium Sulphide) na im be the likely culprit. But nothing in the world can separate me from the love of my first love: Garri! I must confess though, the world looked High Def (HD) afterwards...unbelievable! Even my subdivision looked new and different…now I know why those girls that Terrell always pointed out always looked plain ugly- I was the one that was blind! LOL. I have to do this: To those I yabbed for being Ojugos…Igo loju omo odaran...to my elder sister especially, I apologize. Okay now..I don join the club. Shey una don happy now? People say make I go get Lasik...but what if they recall that technology? Na gbege be that. That na wetin Fela dey call "scatter scatter".

P.S: Just finished Thomas Friedman's thrash book: "The World Is Flat"...I had a term paper to write for my management class on the book...and trust me guys, I was not forgiving. Now I am sure the NY Times haters will give me .my props...my first lapel in conservative mob bashing! World is flat ko, the ocean takes you to India ni. Nonsense and fabrication.

Why Do You Strive For Excellence?

Just came back from a five day vacation to the East Coast. During the trip already tagged Operation Thunderbolt or for Yoruba translation, “Operation Magun” (a play on the widely acclaimed widescreen theatre Yoruba play I remembered watching in UNILAG theatre when it was released), I had the opportunity to visit Virginia, Washington DC, Maryland and Rhode Island. In between all these shuttling, I rode the plane for seven hours, the rail for fourteen hours, and probably used the road five hours- in the passengers sit of course. This period provided an opportunity for reflection; a period to relax, visit friends & relatives and just see new places and things.

But the eventuality of this Monday morning resumption got me thinking why we even work. Or put it another way, why do you strive for excellence? The answer to this question will vary depending on your station in life. Very early on in life, it could be to simply make your parent and family proud. Me think I don pass this stage by now, even though it is still a factor but it is hardly the most important reason. Other reasons may be that it is in our DNA. Certain people are surrounded by so much excellence either by blood or filial relationship that they feel a need to constantly have their A game on. It also might be for fulfillment and satisfaction. I for one know that I generally won’t feel satisfied until I have put in my best. Even when my better showing is someone else’s superlative; it won’t suffice until I have put up my best game. Even then, if it fails, I simply don’t care provided my inner voice tells me that I had put in my best. It won’t matter hence, going forward.

At other times, why you work so hard might also be for even less selfish reasons including but not limited to ensuring a better life for others. It might be your children, or even your grand children. Other times, you might be striving hard to make your country, region, state or locality proud. The most altruistic ones amongst us do it for the human race. I personally don’t see myself doing the last. Am simply not that global minded: okay now, Mr. Holier than thou. I currently work hard enough to put my family, relatives, future descendants, state, country, and race ahead- but doing one for the human race is way beyond my reach right now…or so I think. May be this is just mediocre thought after all. One more confession, I guess.

P.S: I completed my first pacesetter in more than ten years. Love on the Rocks written by Sesinyi, Andrew and set in Botswana. Good read. But an even greater reading was the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by C. Maxwell that I finally closed on in the rail while headed to Providence. Everyone should have a copy and live by these laws to stay ahead of the pack and do right by those you lead or intend to lead. Followership mentality abounds in the world today, but even more common is the bad leader mentality. I guess some people gotta follow forever right- just don’t want to be the one that’s all. I hope to finish this Obama book…I resumed on it on my way back to Houston. His treatise on race relations is exceedingly insightful.

Talking about widescreen, do you know the new Tinapa Resort contains a multi-million dollar film village with state of the art production studio fit for movie theatre productions? May be Nollywood need this shot in the arm. Watched a very funny Nigerian comedy in Providence at my Uncle's pad- Big Dreams, Biggest Dreams it was called...there is always something original about Nigerian comedy plays...may be the best genre. I can't stand the others. Even with this no name cast, this was just an excellent plot and an even more excellent acting.