Saturday, January 20, 2007

Just Wondering...

I am just back from home: yes home, Nigeria. It was an interesting trip as always. You can check out my album on the web here. I was able to visit a number of places including Lagos, Ibadan, Ekiti, Edo and Delta states. Home have changed since I left- for better I think. By and large Nigeria is moving forward: the anticipation for change is high, hence it might appear slow. But we appear to be slowly getting. Democracy is good- so far at least. I enjoyed the trip more so the people. The spirit of Nigeria is infectious: people who in the face of daunting risk to limb and life achieve the impossible i.e. smiling. I love my country no be small. But of all things in Nigeria, definitely the vacation allowed me to reconnect: with friends and family. My two sisters are such a gift. I am blessed- my parents made the trip even worthwhile. What better can I ask from God? For the gift of family and good health.

While in Nigeria, I had the solemn opportunity to view my nuclear family with an insight you hardly have when you are away from home. I came to appreciate the dynamics of a traditional family. It has strengthened my believe in the system- the traditional one not the modern. It works that is why it has endured for ages. The new system of whatever it is called is just another evil by Lucifer to destroy the peace and love that reigned supreme before they invented their funny ludicrous philosophies. Don't let me start rambling.

Indeed, it has got me wondering. What has got me wondering? My family, my father especially. I have been wondering what kind of family I will have? What kind of father will I be? Will my children love me to death the way I love my father? Will they hold their mother in high esteem the same way I hold mine? Will they see me as a terror or a friend? Will they be able to tell me anything and yet confess that their father (like mine) is a hero, a mentor and a friend? Will they look up to the generation before me as I look up to my grand dad as a shining example of discipline and hard work? What kind of children will I have? Does it matter the kind of mother at the least I choose for them? See...they have no say in that. I have been wondering...Will I? Will I put them to sleep on my chest, prepare their breakfast, take them to school, revise their homeworks? Will I teach them? Run around the yard with them? Play football ? Play cards with them? Will I be able to entertain the exact copy of yours sincerely- everly argumentative and yet on point? Will I tolerate the minnie me? I hope I do..I hope. How about when they grow? Scary unh? Kids!

What kind of father will I be? Will I command fear or respect? Love or indifference? Will I be enjoyed or endured by my family? More so, I guess I have been wondering about myself. We all make mistakes don't we? Will I commit those un-amenable blunders? I pray I don't and I wish I won't. But is life not about falling down and rising up? Will their mother forgive? Will the Children forget? I am just wondering. What sort of husband, father, uncle or grandfather will I be? Yes my sisters- in what light will their children see me? How will they relate to their cousins? What does marriage mean for us three? I loved this Five of us- "Father, Mother and Three Children".

That was the way I defiantly defined family in primary three. I got some good whooping for distorting the definition (actually, father, mother and children) but it came from the heart? I loved our small family and still do. I felt it was the perfect family and still do. I could not imagine anyone had a father, mother and X number of children where X was a number that was not three...a number that was not made up of 2 girls and a boy in the middle, a family that has one or more parents missing. It didn't make sense to me. I defiantly looked my form mistress in the eyes and repeated the definition: "Father, Mother and Three Children"- to hell with you ma'am. At the end, I learnt the hard way of course. But the harder way is the harsher reality that one day I will be at the head of this enterprise called The Family and X might not be 3, the sex make up might be different, the characters are definitely going to be from a space beyond mine and control I have not over what it turns out to be. My family will still remain, only that we will no longer be three. How intrusive! Can you imagine that? Now we will have In-Laws (weird word), Nieces/Nephews (what?) and the some scrummy yum we gotta endure called relatives! I still love it small, but as my father always remind me: you can't always have your way. But this new way is better- and I am determined not to endure it but to enjoy it. Again, what kind of father will I turn out to be? Just wondering....


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