Saturday, April 24, 2010

Why Successful Black Women Can’t Find A Black Men??

Others here

Why did it take one hour to answer a simple statistical question? The simple answer to the question is obvious and was laid out in the introduction. Because there is an excess of black women over black men in America (1.8 million of them)! It is a simple demand and supply question. In that environment, not only is the eternal weakness of men (I will get to that later) encouraged, but it is actually turbo charged. The solution hence for black women in America is to expand their choice beyond just black men to hopefully make up for the 1.8m deficit. But would they? Or is that even feasible in a racially antagonistic and conscious world? 

But watching the entire show, it in itself appear to be a peek into the black family. It appeared the men and women (guests on the show) were not even talking to each other, they were talking at each other. The stance of the black woman and man seem to be antagonistic instead of cooperative. In this scenario, only one thing is bound to happen, disorder. The only way to restore order is to restore the rule of jungle...the survival of the fittest. Which means the person (most of the black man or crazy black woman) with the most physical strength will dominate or the relationship cease. The other way is to revert to the traditional set up where the man is accepted (not because it is right, ordained or proper) as the head and all things being equal has final adjudication over contentious issues (basically, a request for the educated successful woman to lose heard me right). Is that even feasible?

Hence I suspect a detentes no win situation for the black woman. However, I think the discussion missed a larger point: which is who are men? and why would men want a life mate or partner? In the search for who the "black man" is, the discussion failed to ask the question who men as whole are really are in terms of intrinsic mindset (1% difference between all races, means a 1% difference between a black and white man genetically/intrinsically). 

Here is my theory. Men (and women) marry for four reasons, of varying degree of importance, for 1. Children/Raise a family 2. Financial Stability/Wealth Creation 3. Societal Respect/Status 4.Love/Adoration of Partner. 

It is left for every woman to find a man that is marrying for a reason she can live with i.e. if you rank the first three reasons (I call it rule of two out of three), then you better be damn sure that the man you are marrying has two of his own first three in common with you (but not necessarily in the same order). The work involved in doing the understudy, in making this determination, and a failure to do a serious soul search and this work is the foundation of the failure of modern families in America (aboriginal or immigrant). 

Trivia: Do you know the rate of divorce & separations amongst Africans in America is even higher than those amongst African Americans? 

By the way, it is not even that simple in making this determination. A hustler may appear to you to be an archetype candidate to marry because of money, but he may be driven by need to provide for his children, or to achieve some modicum of societal acceptance. Hence, there is always a need to go behind the man in the mirror (never make a surface analysis is a sure fire way to fail). 

Often time, the best template for this study is to to research the pedigree of the man (his genetics and upbringing). A man from a long line of children deserters is unlikely to marry because of children. Equally, a man with strong individualistic notion (and from a long line of individualists) is unlikely to give a hoot about what society thinks of him or his marital status or quality of marriage (ask Donald Trump). Also a man with an eye at financial stability, is best fulfilled when his marriage is financially rewarding and is less likely to abandon such regardless of the problems inherent in marriages.

And speaking of commitment (and the weakness of man), I still strongly doubt the monogamous myth. I have found no evidence in human interaction that we are naturally monogamous. Monogamy can only be achieved by training and discipline. It is unnatural. Stats prove me right. There are more people living that have failed at monogamy than have succeeded at it- at one or more point in their lives (women may do it more prior to formal " marriage ", but they still do it : if not more .e.g during dating in their younger years when they have options 

And here is the problem: I estimate 40% of men marry primarily because of children/raise a family, 35% for financial stability, 20% for society and 5% for love/adoration of their partner. Flip the number for women - at least those who are successful, black and above the mid twenties threshold. Houston we have a problem. 

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Why should I have all the fun?

Reginald Lewis' book is a tell all tale of how a determined African-American conquered the world of business two decades before Obama conquered politics. From working on deals in a blue ribbon law firm, to starting his own up and coming minority law firm on Wall Street, this hardnosed and hard charging Baltimorean reached the pinnacle of business after few faltering attempts at junk-bond style take over in the roaring 80s. In a partnership with famed Michael Millikan, he pulled off the biggest takeover deal in the late 80s, creating a multinational billion dollar firm (the biggest by any non-wall street firm –black or white- at the time). The enthralling tales in the book will keep you flipping, most especially the near stark honesty of its content and details: revealing the complex, sometimes not so good side of this enigma. This is perhaps the most honest auto-biography I have ever read; and perhaps it was due to the tragic end to the story: the death of the man at the height of his power. Death, where art thou sting? Today, RFL’s memory is kept alive by his Filipino-American love and his two daughters and the foundation in his name that funds many charitable ventures directed at arts, education and empowerment. This book rates as  five stars…excellent read and I actually will recommend a re-read.

Was in Cali last weekend…drone of a trip. Got in on Thursday noon. Was at Emanuel Ax concert at Walt Disney Hall…wow! Drove to SF where I met up with old pals..Mr. BJ and his friends..what a great company. SF is a gorgeous city any day, and if one do not draw inspiration from this city then I don’t know how one will ever be inspired. Alcatraz was a pleasure to tour..and the trip of the year begun in earnest. SF to LA on Road One- Pacific Highway. Always wanted to do that.

Stretching like a suspended snake carved to the edges of soaring mountains jutting of the mouth of the earth like the regurgitation of the belly of a Whale into the ocean, the PCH is a reminded of man’s contention with nation; and natures’ telling way of being so gorgeously defiant in the face of his assault.

With 300 miles of the best parts stretching from Santa Cruz to San Simeon, the landscape is at once distracting and awe inspiring to even a focused driver who can’t help be stop and detour at the designated outturns to ponder the beautiful sculpture of the master. Granted, the stomach churning twists that persist up to 4 hours will confound the most level headed passenger talk less of driver; at once challenging, yet alluring.  It is not by chance that at the end of these stretch lies the most inspired and creative minds in America. Anchored to the north by techno-gizmo crazy Silicon Valley, and to the south by its creative cousin in Beverly Hills, California’s future is secure regardless of the tempest of today. If  this landscape don’t shake off the dust off your mind, then I don’t know what will. It was perhaps this apparent reason that inspired Mr. Hearst to build that monstrous castle as a posterity at the midpoint between these giant edifices to human tenacity, imagination and articulation.

Next Stop? Grenada. Word Up bro? A vacation to live for.


this is