Saturday, April 24, 2010

Why Successful Black Women Can’t Find A Black Men??

Others here

Why did it take one hour to answer a simple statistical question? The simple answer to the question is obvious and was laid out in the introduction. Because there is an excess of black women over black men in America (1.8 million of them)! It is a simple demand and supply question. In that environment, not only is the eternal weakness of men (I will get to that later) encouraged, but it is actually turbo charged. The solution hence for black women in America is to expand their choice beyond just black men to hopefully make up for the 1.8m deficit. But would they? Or is that even feasible in a racially antagonistic and conscious world? 

But watching the entire show, it in itself appear to be a peek into the black family. It appeared the men and women (guests on the show) were not even talking to each other, they were talking at each other. The stance of the black woman and man seem to be antagonistic instead of cooperative. In this scenario, only one thing is bound to happen, disorder. The only way to restore order is to restore the rule of jungle...the survival of the fittest. Which means the person (most of the black man or crazy black woman) with the most physical strength will dominate or the relationship cease. The other way is to revert to the traditional set up where the man is accepted (not because it is right, ordained or proper) as the head and all things being equal has final adjudication over contentious issues (basically, a request for the educated successful woman to lose heard me right). Is that even feasible?

Hence I suspect a detentes no win situation for the black woman. However, I think the discussion missed a larger point: which is who are men? and why would men want a life mate or partner? In the search for who the "black man" is, the discussion failed to ask the question who men as whole are really are in terms of intrinsic mindset (1% difference between all races, means a 1% difference between a black and white man genetically/intrinsically). 

Here is my theory. Men (and women) marry for four reasons, of varying degree of importance, for 1. Children/Raise a family 2. Financial Stability/Wealth Creation 3. Societal Respect/Status 4.Love/Adoration of Partner. 

It is left for every woman to find a man that is marrying for a reason she can live with i.e. if you rank the first three reasons (I call it rule of two out of three), then you better be damn sure that the man you are marrying has two of his own first three in common with you (but not necessarily in the same order). The work involved in doing the understudy, in making this determination, and a failure to do a serious soul search and this work is the foundation of the failure of modern families in America (aboriginal or immigrant). 

Trivia: Do you know the rate of divorce & separations amongst Africans in America is even higher than those amongst African Americans? 

By the way, it is not even that simple in making this determination. A hustler may appear to you to be an archetype candidate to marry because of money, but he may be driven by need to provide for his children, or to achieve some modicum of societal acceptance. Hence, there is always a need to go behind the man in the mirror (never make a surface analysis is a sure fire way to fail). 

Often time, the best template for this study is to to research the pedigree of the man (his genetics and upbringing). A man from a long line of children deserters is unlikely to marry because of children. Equally, a man with strong individualistic notion (and from a long line of individualists) is unlikely to give a hoot about what society thinks of him or his marital status or quality of marriage (ask Donald Trump). Also a man with an eye at financial stability, is best fulfilled when his marriage is financially rewarding and is less likely to abandon such regardless of the problems inherent in marriages.

And speaking of commitment (and the weakness of man), I still strongly doubt the monogamous myth. I have found no evidence in human interaction that we are naturally monogamous. Monogamy can only be achieved by training and discipline. It is unnatural. Stats prove me right. There are more people living that have failed at monogamy than have succeeded at it- at one or more point in their lives (women may do it more prior to formal " marriage ", but they still do it : if not more .e.g during dating in their younger years when they have options 

And here is the problem: I estimate 40% of men marry primarily because of children/raise a family, 35% for financial stability, 20% for society and 5% for love/adoration of their partner. Flip the number for women - at least those who are successful, black and above the mid twenties threshold. Houston we have a problem. 


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