Monday, April 20, 2009

Relationship, Men, their Women and Unmarried Friends

People often inquire why I hardly write about relationships on this blog...may be,..I guess we will never know. I think it is because of what this blog represents. It is somewhat a part of my three facet persona- the serious side. The introspective, playful side that can come out once in a while is reserved for the relationship discourse and that hardly comes through on here. Perhaps it is because virtually all my family (parentals included) and my committee of admirers (read past present and future exs' - joking!) also know of this not so secret rant place. In any case, for the sake of simplicity, I have decided not to complicate my life...and take the "relationship out of the blog" as some friend of mine said.

But I am about to break that code...

I am often fascinated by the balance of power in human relationships especially between opposite sexes. At first instance, the balance of power tend to reside in the women-dom. During the period of wooing, most men will roll on the floor to avoid embarrassment. Kick in the the dating, and it starts getting iffy. Initially the lady generally always hold the upper hand, but the unspoken rule is that as the dating couples get more used to one another, the male usually emerge as a far stronger party in the game such that the longer he prolongs doing the do, the stronger his hand remains. In so far as he stays away from the altar, he enjoys and holds strategic advantage on when, how or even if he is going to ultimately commit. Simply said, women generally without much ado become slaves of "being the one", or "wasting valuable time and getting nothing for it". The law of diminishing returns ladies!

If Ms. Lady gets her man to the altar, this balance again shifts gradually. Advantage woman. The longer she stays married, the stronger her hand gets: with her husband, in her home, with her in-laws . From my observation, the peak and optimum point is about the tenth year of marriage when the man becomes the slave of societal perception of him being a reliable provider, father and responsible husband. It is in this gear the gear gets stuck at- and then the variable is how much provider the man becomes. A man that emerge successful will emerge a stronger over time of course and achieve some kind of parity but this again is dependent on the woman yielding that inherent power of staying does divorce really strenghten the hand of a woman? I think not... sometimes.

A BBC Wild Documentary on Birds, draws an interesting analogy...

Why? What is it with women who can't stand their man's friends? Especially the single ones? Threat? What?


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