Monday, September 17, 2007

Musings: On Ms. Perfect & Mr. Fixers

I swear this is one of those occasional musings. Here am I early Monday morning (quite unusual for 4 am), blogging. But the inspiration for this posting came from a conversation I had with a friend last week. The Opeke was wondering why she still dey missing, when in her own words: "less adequate ladies", were finding hearthrobs and getting married. Leaving aside my own bemusement with why people (or let me say women of my age group) just seem obsessed with getting married, I have decided to explore the topic. If they are not watching that yeye show called Bridezilla, it is useless bridal magazine filling the shelf space. Shio!

I do not subscribe to the notion that marriage is all any woman or man is made for, and that unmarried person is any less fulfilled than a married one. The gross cultural obsession, which is tippping to the point of madness, with getting married is just a point of amusement for me. Older adults fall over each other as they admonish the younger ones to hurry up and get married. Which problem in the life of a man does marriage solve? I never get answer to that question yet: either this people know something I don't or a cultural oath of secrecy is preventing those enjoying marital bliss from sharing. LOL. Okay, Okay...I get it. I still be naija too..but people make una slow down. It is not that bad- enjoy life & things will fall into place. Desperate men or women don't come off nicely you know. No one wants to be pressured.

Hence this Chikito diatribe on "inadequate women" should not go unanswered. Her own definition of adequate was of course the certficates (whatever happened to just knowing?), career thingy (whatever happened to owning?), a job (just over broke?), and of course financial independence (you be Bill Gates?). Curiously though, she attributes all the faults to men and their lack of self confidence: that wisecrack perennial culprit: men being intimidated! Gimme a break. I think that excuse is well overused and worn out. Perhaps, these professional women seeking husbands should stop using it. Okay some men can be intimidated- but it is not that many of them than you are made to believe. In the 21st century, men like women do appreciate what you can bring to the table- but it is hardly the sole driver of why and whom they choose to copulate with.

Me thinks there is more to this pattern than intimidation. I think it has a lot to do with the fundamental nature of men. Men by nature are fixers. We are programmed to fix things- put out the fire and make better. From our primitive genes are remnants of filling gaps and refining nature. Fixing brings out the men in us. Women are better at perfection, but men are better at plain old fixing. If you meet a man and you are all so perfect, nothing to fix, tell me why he will tarry longer. Ms. adequate is in fact inadequate for Mr. Fixer! I did dated this extremely perfect human being briefly in the past: if you think there is any other name for boring, then ask me. Perfect, flawless people are boring. They come across also as preppy, "pepperless" and unusual. Show your flaws- it makes you human. There is nothing wrong with being inadequate is the height of the humanity we wall share. Only people who share commonalities can connect- especially for the long run.


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